just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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