we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
