you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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