Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
