just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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