At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
