I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
