So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
