so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
