Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
