I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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