Barsexuality is the new black.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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