My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
