Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
