Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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