i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
