Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
