So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
