I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
