this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
