you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize
