Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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