He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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