i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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