You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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