Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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