Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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