ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
