if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
