My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
