What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got inside last night via doggy door
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
