I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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