I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
my liver is dry heaving
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
