I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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