Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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