Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
