Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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