That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
