I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
