I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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