Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
