I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
