I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
