I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
