I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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