Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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