A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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