So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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