a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
