i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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