Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
