i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
