I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
