..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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