at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
