I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
