we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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